I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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