I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
