I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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