so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
