I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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