I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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