i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
