Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
