My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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