YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
