I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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