She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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