P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
