it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
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Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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