It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
