I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
