he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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