you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
