Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
