I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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