My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
