Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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