I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
