party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
