dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's like heaven, but drunker
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
