Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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