yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize