Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This is not my ceiling
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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