I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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