when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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