That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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