Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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