Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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