In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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