My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
