Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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