I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.