In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.