you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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