Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.