did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo