thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
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The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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