Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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