You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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