Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
