I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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