Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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