Don't make out with my wife yet
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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