Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
