The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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