I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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