Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize