good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
