youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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