Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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