I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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