I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The dick lei will go down in squad history
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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