Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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