mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
