So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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