none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
