Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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