Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
