I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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