I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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