A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
