so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
