sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
