I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think your dad took our porno
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
