singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
