How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
