We won't sleep together?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
