he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
