im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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