Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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