I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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