Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
