So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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