It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
