Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
