kristin has been a bad kristin
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
