my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
