You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
