Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
