I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize