Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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