My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Never joke about your clitoris.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
