I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
