I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
