This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
