this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
