What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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